I've been reading C.S. Lewis's The Screwtape  Letters, that my sister brought to me, saying 'prepared yourself!'

And indeed i wish i had been prepared for all the things that were presented to me and made me collapsed a little.

Mostly because i always thought i was doing... not so bad with my life and the way i looked at my christianity.

I haven't finish to read it all, because of time and because i want to read it very thoughtfully, i want that every thing that was meant to  go right to my mind and heart  sticks in it for ever. But i want to share something that made sane when i read it:

"When He talks of their losing their selves, He only means abandoning the clamour of self-will; once they have done that, He really gives them back all their personality, and boasts (I am afraid, sincerely) that when they are wholly His they will be more themselves than ever. Hence, while He is delighted to see them sacrificing even their innocent wills to His, He hates to see them drifting away from their own nature for any other reason."

What do you think about that?

(i found the online book here)

it's very late in the night or very early in the morning, it depents how you see it. (3am)
a lot to do, a lot of 'stuff' to take care but quite quiet,
too many stuff too little time.

today  (on Sunday actually) was Father's Day here, so me and my sister had to go over to see our dad and have lunch.
did i mention that I'm one of those childs with a disfuncional family?
i think that would explains a lot....
it has been a while since we (my sister and I) realised that our relationship with God is as bad as it is because we have like the worse relationship with our 'human' father...
nothing so catastrophic though, just a lot of disappointments and lack of communication from both sides (like my relationship with God!)

i'll write more later
but a question for all who wants to respond.

did your good or bad relationship with your parents affect your good or bad relationships with God?

people always say 'you only remember God when you are in trouble, when you are fine, you don't even think in Him'

i don't know when was the first time i heard that, but i know that at some point it made a clic on my way to relate to God and the way how i let Him into my problems.
as a Christian i was told to give grace every day, be thankful for every blessing, even those i couldn't see. I was also told to put my problems in His shoulders 'cos He could bear the burden that i wasn't able.
Although i have believed in this all my life, i always have problems with that last part....
not that i ever think that i'm some kind of invincible being with the ability to fix my own problems. But, because i feel so unworthy of His mercy sometimes, that i don't think is fair to ask for His help.
When i am feeling the blessings in my life, i thank God for it, i notice His hand in my life, family, friends, I thank just for be able to notice all His greatness  in every aspect, in every little thing that He manage to show me, and i pray to radiate all those feelings to others so they can see how wonderful He is.
But, when i'm facing a problem, when i see that there is something i can't manage on my own, somehow that stupid phrase gets into my head "you only remember God when you are in trouble", and i start to avoid being in  the same 'room' with God, just to not let Him know that i have a problem
some of you may say is pride, and probably it is... but i feel it like guilt. For all that i have done, for all i haven't done, for all the times He ask for me, and I didn't answer.
guilt guilt guilt

yes...  i know that:

• God will forgive me, and probable He already did
• I have to forgive myself, and move on
• i have to learn how to really put my pain in His shoulders
  
• i even have to learn how to be thankful for the tasks and test in life, 'cos that's the way He is teaching me.
  

do you have the same problem?